Chocolate
by Awesomenesss-sama
Summary: Since when has Bill had a degree in mythology and teaching? And what was the deal he made with the headmaster to get himself a job as Dipper's teacher? (Optional two-shot) (sequel to Censorship, prequel to Bad Bill!)


Dipper groaned and rolled over in a fatal attempt to go back to sleep. Bill was doing it again.

"I'M. NO. GOOD FOR YOU" Bill sang –more like screeched- along with the music he had at full volume as he jumped and danced around the room. This had become Dipper's new morning alarm ever since Mirage had made his alarm clock disappear. Dipper knew he should have taken Bill up on that of a new wake up call, "THIS HEART AIN'T BUILT FOR TWO!"

Dipper sighed and quietly sung along as well, "bootleg emotions, bottled up explosions, intoxicating you, learning of the truth," Dipper didn't have to look to see Bill's grin, "I'm your seventh sin, exiting through your skin, intoxicating you, ninety seven proof."

Dipper raised his voice a little to match Bill's volume when they got to their favorite part, _"I'M. NO. GOOD FOR YOU. THIS HEART AIN'T BUILT FOR TWO, SO, RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY, 'CUZ I'M NO, I'M NO, I'M NO GOOD FOR YOU."_

Bill grinned and bellyflopped onto the bed next to Dipper, ignoring the rest of the song as he gave Dipper his morning kiss.

"What time is it?" Dipper asked, sitting up.

"Nine thirty" Bill replied.

"Nine thirty?" Dipper squeaked.

"Relax, Pine Tree, your class isn't until this afternoon" Bill shrugged.

"Yeah, but I'd like to be there early" Dipper said as he got up and got dressed, ignoring Bill's pout as the human's skin was covered, "and what about Mirage? Is she awake?"

"She's the daughter of a dream demon, what do you think?" Bill deadpanned.

Dipper rolled his eyes, "right, dumb question." 

Five hours later, Dipper and his friend Luke –the only one who decided to go to the same college as Dipper- were walking into their only class that day; mythology.

"I read on the notice board that there was a new teacher for this class" Luke said as he took a seat at the front and Dipper sat next to him.

"I wonder what they're like" Dipper mused.

"Hopefully not another one of those old ones, their teaching is the worst" Luke stuck his tongue out.

Dipper began to laugh, but ended up choking on air when he saw who was walking through the door.

"Hello class~" Bill chimed.

Dipper and Luke stared at Bill, wide eyed.

"Hey! Where the hell is-" Dipper found himself cut off.

"Raise your hand before speaking" Bill smirked, enjoying his power.

Dipper grumbled and raised his hand.

"Yes, the cute one at the front" Bill winked.

"Where is Mirage?" Dipper questioned.

"Who?" Bill asked with a small smile.

"Our. Freaking. Daughter." Dipper glared.

The class watched on in 1) surprise from learning so much about their usually quiet peer, and 2) amusement at Bill's teasing. No one minded that they weren't learning anything yet.

"Relax" Bill chuckled, "I left her with Shooting Star."

"Mabel is at work" Dipper deadpanned.

"She works at a childcare" Bill replied, just as deadpanned, "now how about we get on with the class?"

"Do you even have a teaching degree?" Dipper frowned.

"Nope~" Bill grinned.

"Then how did you get the job?" Dipper interrogated, "they don't just let random strangers off the street teach a class."

"I'm a demon, Pine Tree" Bill rolled his eyes, "plus Mr leader here made a deal with me not too long ago, he owed me a favour."

"Wait, you're a demon?!" One of Dipper's classmates shrieked.

"Yeah, and?" Bill shrugged.

"I never thought demons would look like humans" another student mused out loud, the first nodded in agreement.

"Oh, we don't. I'm just taking a human form to make my darling husband more comfortable" Bill smiled. Everyone in the class looked and noticed a golden band on Dipper's finger.

"Then what do you really look like?" The first classmate wondered.

"A Dorito chip" Dipper replied without thinking, causing Bill to laugh.

"You eat my children for a snack" Bill mock-growled before laughing.

"Those would be my children too, unless you're not telling me something" Dipper said, poking his tongue out and closing an eye.

"Can we see your real form?" The second student asked.

"Yeah, sure" Bill shrugged, a flash of light –which Dipper knew was just for effect- surrounded him and when it disappeared, he was a floating Dori-…triangle, "so, my names Bill Cipher, and I'll be your teacher until you get sick of me."


End file.
